老師有問題 Prof, We Have a Problem!

上個禮拜又重看了一次這部電影。雖然已經看了很多次，但是這次看完卻有很多不一樣的想法。

當年我還在讀諮商的時候對這部電影的基調非常的不贊同。如今我已經脫離了諮商的領域好幾年，這部電影卻一語道破了我為什麼不想繼續從事專業諮商的根本原因。今天沒有時間多寫，我下禮拜要去一個研討會發表，得趕緊準備。但是我改天一定要寫一篇關於心靈捕手這部電影的文章。

以下是心靈捕手電影中我很喜歡的一段對話：

Sean: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me… fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven’t thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?

Will: No.

Sean: You’re just a kid, you don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talkin’ about.

Will: Why thank you.

Sean: It’s all right. You’ve never been out of Boston.

Will: Nope.

Sean: So if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you’d probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can’t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You’re a tough kid. And I’d ask you about war, you’d probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, “once more unto the breach dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one. You’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I’d ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn’t know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms “visiting hours” don’t apply to you. You don’t know about real loss, ’cause it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you… I don’t see an intelligent, confident man… I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you’re a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You’re an orphan right?

[Will nods]

Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally… I don’t give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can’t learn anything from you, I can’t read in some fuckin’ book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that do you sport? You’re terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

下午仰晴打電話給我告訴我說今天她照顧的病人中有一個人過世了，她心裡很難過。

當然，從仰晴到 Bloomington Hospitality House 上班的第一天我們就知道這一天遲早會來，而且不會只有一次。在我這個局外人的眼中看來老人安養中心的老人過世似乎是一件平常不過的事情。在老人安養中心上班就像在醫院工作一樣，總是免不了看到有人離世。況且今天過世的老人已經88歲，又在床上病了兩個禮拜，仰晴自己也覺得他應該快要不行了。但是當生命真的結束的時候，情感上的衝擊還是淹蓋過理智上的認知。

我一直覺得仰晴是一個比我堅強的人。從事助人工作的人所必須具備的人格特質之一便是要能夠接受別人的難過與自己的無能為力。仰晴在這方面的能力比我強的多。每一個從事助人工作的人都希望看到別人在自己的幫助下越來越好。但是每一個從事過助人工作的人也都知道我們能做的實在太有限，別人能不能變的越來越好很多時候跟你是不是一個好的助人者並沒有直接的關係。仰晴跟我不一樣的地方在於我總是看到事情的陰暗面，而仰晴總是看到好的那一面。兩種不同的人生觀衍生出的結果是我在幫助別人的時候總是看到還不夠好的地方，仰晴看到的卻是別人比以前進步的地方。於是我總是擔心著我幫助的人有沒有過的更好，會不會遇到什麼難處－最後的結果是我自己把自己弄得很累，也因此我離開了心理諮商這個領域。仰晴卻能夠一天又一天的面對著一群連自己的名字都已經記不得的老人，帶著他們遊戲、用音樂餵養他們的心靈。上帝給我的老婆真是個了不起的人！